Why having a good divorce attorney doesn’t mean you have to think through every decision alone.
It’s 11:40 on a Tuesday night. The kids are finally asleep. You’re at the kitchen table with a settlement offer open on your laptop and an email from your attorney that ends with one line:
“Let me know how you’d like to proceed.”
You’ve read the offer three times. You understand most of the words. What you don’t understand is whether it’s right for you. Whether you should push back. Whether the strategy you agreed to two months ago still makes sense now that circumstances have changed. And whether the knot in your stomach is instinct—or simply fear.
You could call your attorney. But one national survey put the average divorce attorney’s rate at about $270 an hour,¹ and in my experience, Connecticut rates commonly run $300 to $900 an hour, depending on where you live. No wonder you’ve already narrowed your questions to the ones that feel “worth it.”
So you sit there, trying to make one of the most consequential decisions of your life with only one voice in your ear.
The second-opinion gap
Think about how we approach every other high-stakes decision. Facing surgery? We get another medical opinion. Replacing a roof? We compare estimates. Planning for retirement? We consult more than one kind of financial professional.
Then comes divorce, ranked second only to the death of a spouse on one of the best-known scales of life stress.² It will shape your finances, your home, your parenting arrangements, and your daily life for years to come. Yet most people move through it with a single professional perspective.
Here is the distinction: This isn’t about getting a second legal opinion. It’s about having a second perspective on decisions you will ultimately have to live with.
You can trust your attorney, appreciate their work, and still need a place to sort through what you’re hearing and what matters most to you. The choice doesn’t have to be between staying silent and changing lawyers.
The space in between
A Second Set of Eyes is private, nonlegal divorce strategy support for people throughout Connecticut who already have an attorney. It’s a form of divorce coaching, built specifically for the person who has legal counsel and wants an independent sounding board alongside it.
Not another attorney. Not a replacement for legal advice. A thinking partner who helps you clarify concerns, prepare sharper questions, and walk back into conversations with your lawyer ready to participate as a smart, strategic partner in your own case.
“I don’t want a new attorney. I want to better understand the one I have.”
That is a real need. And it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with your legal representation.
Three lenses most people never get in one room
Your attorney brings the legal lens, and that expertise is essential. But divorce is also a human process, and the choices people make are shaped by far more than the law. My background gives me three more.
The educator. I spent nearly a decade teaching math. Teaching taught me the difference between nodding along and genuinely understanding. My goal is for you to explain the strategy being considered in your own words, and to know what it is meant to accomplish and how it will impact you.
The therapist. Nearly a decade as a therapist taught me how easily fear, guilt, or exhaustion can steer decisions that deserve a clearer mind. The research agrees: a review of the research found that stress measurably changes how people make decisions.³ Sometimes the most strategic step is recognizing what’s driving a reaction before deciding what to do with it.
The mediator. For more than a decade, I’ve helped families build agreements. That keeps my attention on what happens after documents are signed: the budgets, schedules, relationships, and ordinary realities that still have to work. It’s also why I created Future Family Lab, for families managing what comes after the agreement.
And I have been through divorce myself. I know that late-night kitchen-table moment, and how overwhelming it can all be, personally as well as professionally.
What we do together
This isn’t a therapy session disguised as legal strategy, and it isn’t an invitation to second-guess every recommendation. It’s focused support for the decision or conversation directly in front of you.
Understand the plan. Pin down what you understand about your attorney’s approach, what’s still unclear, and which questions will help you evaluate your options so you can make smart decisions.
Pressure-test your thinking. Work through your priorities and concerns before you raise them with counsel, so those billable conversations are focused and productive.
Prepare for pivotal moments. Organize your thinking ahead of settlement offers, four-way meetings, and major parenting or financial decisions.
Separate a communication problem from a fit problem. Figure out whether a frustrating interaction reflects a misunderstanding, mismatched expectations, or a genuine concern about the working relationship, before you make an expensive change.
Keep your future in view. Look at how a proposed outcome will function in everyday life for years to come, not just how it looks on paper today.
People reach out because an offer arrived and they want to think before responding. Because they’re not sure what to ask at the next attorney meeting. Or because the case shifted and they need to get their footing back.
A legally sound outcome isn’t always a livable future
Divorce has a legal ending. Your life does not.
An agreement can resolve a case, and you will still need to run the household, co-parent, adapt to a new financial reality, and make everyday decisions when no professional is in the room.
That’s why the question is never only “Can I get this?” It’s also “Will this work for the life I’m trying to build?”
Keeping the house may provide continuity while creating financial pressure. Accepting an offer quickly may end a painful process while leaving practical questions unexplored. There can be good reasons for either choice. The goal is to see and understand the tradeoffs clearly, and to take the legal and financial implications to your attorney or financial professional before you decide.
Why this is hard to find
Divorce coaching exists. What’s hard to find is support built to work alongside your attorney, from someone who has spent years seeing what happens after the agreement is signed. It lives in the gap between professions.
Attorneys advise and advocate within the legal process; they can’t easily be the outside perspective on their own strategy. Therapists are trained to stay out of legal decisions. Mediators usually work with both spouses together, not beside one person who already has counsel. Each profession, doing its job well, stops right at the edge of this work.
Meanwhile, you’re the one who has to make choices that reflect your values, your circumstances, and your long-term priorities. A Second Set of Eyes fills that gap on purpose, so you can use your attorney’s time and expertise more effectively, not replace it.
What I am, and what I’m not
I am not an attorney. I don’t provide legal advice, interpret your legal rights, recommend a legal course of action, or appear in court. Those matters belong with your lawyer. My role is nonlegal, strategic, and practical: to help you think, prepare, communicate, and stay grounded in the future you’re building.
Your counsel remains your counsel. You remain the decision-maker. You simply don’t have to work through every uncertainty alone.
Built for people who are already stretched
Divorce drains time, energy, and money. So this support is intentionally flexible:
No retainer, no package, no long-term commitment.
Pay as you go: $225 per hour, billed after each meeting.
Meet once, return as needed, or take a break when you don’t need support.
Virtual or in person, anywhere in Connecticut.
The pace is yours. So is the decision about when another conversation would help.
Before your next decision, ask one more question
“Do I need more information or a clearer understanding of the information I already have?”
You don’t need to become a legal expert. You don’t need to question every recommendation. But you deserve to recognize your own judgment in the decisions that will shape your future.
Sometimes the smartest next step isn’t a different attorney. It’s a Second Set of Eyes.
Book a free 20-minute conversation to see whether this support is right for you, or learn more about A Second Set of Eyes.
Frequently asked questions
What is A Second Set of Eyes?
Private, nonlegal divorce strategy support for people in Connecticut who already have a divorce attorney. It gives you a steady place to understand your attorney’s strategy, think through offers and decisions, and prepare for important conversations.
Is this the same as divorce coaching?
It’s a form of divorce coaching, designed specifically for people who already have legal counsel. The focus is strategic and practical: understanding your options, preparing for pivotal moments, and keeping your long-term life in view. The goal is decisions you can live with, made with your attorney’s guidance.
Can I get divorce support if I already have a lawyer?
Yes. That’s exactly who this is for. A Second Set of Eyes works alongside your attorney, never in place of one. Many people find it helps them use their attorney’s time more efficiently.
Is this legal advice?
No. I’m not an attorney. I don’t give legal advice or appear in court. Legal questions belong with your lawyer.
Do I have to tell my attorney?
That’s your choice. The goal is to help you arrive at your attorney’s office clearer and better prepared, which tends to help the working relationship.
How much does it cost?
A Second Set of Eyes is $225 per hour, billed after each session. No retainer, no package, no long-term commitment.
Do you meet virtually or in person?
Both. Sessions are available virtually or in person for clients anywhere in Connecticut.
Sources
¹ Martindale-Nolo Research, 2019 national divorce survey, as reported in “This is how much money you need to get divorced,” FOX 5 New York, Oct. 2022.
² Holmes, T. H., & Rahe, R. H. (1967). The Social Readjustment Rating Scale. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 11(2), 213–218.
³ Starcke, K., & Brand, M. (2012). Decision making under stress: A selective review. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 36(4), 1228–1248.
Colleen O’Neil, MSW, M.Ed. | Founder, Mediation and Beyond
Divorce Mediator • Strategic Divorce Support • Connecticut
This article provides general information and describes nonlegal support. It is not legal advice.